Terror Becomes Excitement, a Transformation in Three Sessions
Excerpts from an Interview, a Few Months Later
This is the story of three sessions in which Gail transforms a core terror that was keeping her from pursuing her dreams. In the first session, she enters her inner space to get an idea of what’s there and create some first steps toward possibility. In the second, she transforms the terror into what she describes as a “bridge to a higher power,” and begins to change the direction of her life toward becoming a filmmaker. In the third session, she addresses a lingering anxiety that arose as she was nearing success.
The interview was recorded about eight months after the work was done, and she discusses how her life has changed. Here is the full, 14-minute audio.
I’ve broken this into three sections below, each dealing with the effects of one of the three sessions, each with a complete transcript.
Session One
I came out of this session feeling very differently and … absolutely positive that the life ahead of me could be as amazing as I wanted it to be.
Gail (not her real name): Our first session, when you tried to explain to me what your work was, you said, It's really hard to explain in words because it's dealing with feelings or the feeling body. And that the best way for me to understand it would be to experience it.
So I met with you and had a session and… what was so amazing about your work is that — the first time that I did it — is that it completely went right to what I call the right brain, the creative mind, which is so different from like psychoanalysis that I've been to in the past, which is all, just like your past and your history and like what happened in your life to shape you where you are now and you have to kind of go back through all these facts that are just like stored in your brain.
And it seems like it was such a drudgery to do that, and anytime I felt like I needed to deal with an issue or something that was limiting me in my life or an emotion that felt really scary or something, the thought of going to regular therapy, again, was just, like, too much. Just, I don't want to do it, I don't want to go back there, I don't want to go back to those places and talk about the same old things. And, so I was looking for a new approach to dealing with my emotions and stuff that were coming up in my life.
I think the first time I had a session with you, I was, had already been out of my marriage was already separated, but there was a lot of stuff that needed to be cleaned up and addressed.
And so when, when I met with you and… going right to those areas of feeling and imagery and expression, it addressed everything right now, like, my state of being now. Which is really where the work needed to be done. It doesn't need to be done in the past, it needs to be done right here.
And so, I really appreciated that, and I felt that was very powerful, because dealing in now meant that we could like, change things now or shift things now. And that was my experience.
It's, to me it's really simple because we all want to feel empowered and joyful and alive and positive and all those things. And so I felt my, my first experience with you was very much that. I was able to go into where I was at the time, which if I remember correctly, was kind of hopeless with what I was feeling, and that some of the dreams that I had for myself were not possible, that I was a failure in some way for my marriage and being a single mom and, and moving this new path in my life. And so I had these fears that some of the dreams that I still had from before I was married were maybe not possible.
And I came out of this session feeling very differently and very very, I don't want to say hopeful, but just absolutely positive that, that the life ahead of me could be as amazing as I wanted it to be.
Joe: And this was about a year ago, right?
Gail: No, this was longer.
Joe: I think it was December of last year.
Gail: Oh, wow, OK.
Joe: Yeah.
Gail: So that’s when we started, yeah.
Joe: So it seems longer because so much has happened.
Gail: So much, yeah, absolutely, yeah.
Joe: And we only met for, I think, like an hour and a half.
Gail: Yeah, I think initially, the first session…
Joe: You were fast!
Gail: Well, and what I liked too, is that you had like the pencils and markers there, so I could draw as part of the work. You had just pencil and paper so I could write. And then, or I could not do any of it. And I, I really appreciated that because yeah, I like that, because I could see how there could be times where there, It's hard to find the words for a feeling, but you could draw it and access it that way.
So that was my first experience.
Joe: So, and then what happened after that?
Gail: Oh, okay. So what I, the biggest thing that I remember pulling out of the first experience was we actually created in the session, we created new feelings for me and I remember like giving them names and like, an identity.
So I had this list, I came home with this list and I remember looking at it for the next couple of weeks. And that I like just seeing that these feelings were always here and they were always possible and by naming them and giving them an identity, I could go to them right away. And I thought that was really cool.
And that, that process in itself, just being able to take that home and have those written out, began opening up more stuff for me. Because maybe one day I would look and you know, want to access one of those parts and, and it was there, but then like something else would come in and, and maybe, you know, make it not so easy to get there. And it was like, okay, let me take note of that because it's something I need to work with Joe. Because there's so many layers to really getting at the source of who we are.
And so it was that first process, I think actually was more an opening to seeing how many layers of crap, stuff, were blocking my joy from day to day, or from moment to moment, or the possibility of reaching that.
So that's really amazing to be able to see that.
Session 2
“I can't even remember what it feels like to have that space of that fear”
Joe: And then, we worked again…
Gail: Yeah, we did.
Joe: Like a month or two later.
Gail: My second session with you completely just blew off the lid of any kind of limitation that I would have in my life. And that session was dealing with all of the fear and… OK, so there was a lot of trauma in my life, regarding some abuse and stuff.
So, in my past, in regular therapy, I learned some coping skills on how to deal with maybe some anxieties that came out around it, and I analyzed all of it that happened, and why it happened and how, you know, I was able to kind of separate everything and see it, and understand that it wasn't my fault, and make sense of it in a way that it was somewhat manageable.
But there was a feeling that would pop up from time to time, an actual physical physiological reaction that was created during those times of abuse. And that was still not manageable for me. And it would come up at times when, you know, it was triggered by whatever. And that was something that totally paralyzed me in my life when it occurred.
And it was the scariest feeling I have ever experienced, and it's like my body would just get trapped in that terror. And that was what we addressed in the second session. And when going into that, instead of trying to manage it, it like, your technique took me into it and asked it what it needed to heal.
Why was it still there? And what did it need? Or what did I need? Or whatever the process is, but the feeling was given a chance to be completely transformed.
And that's what we did. And that particular moment when we transformed that feeling was, I totally remember, that it was like, I just created a bridge to a higher power that some people would call God or whatever.
I don't use the word God, but higher power, source, whatever that created us, me here. And it, was a just a total bridge to that, that, “Wow, that this is on the other side of that fear, is this amazing unconditional love and safety. And just everything is okay.” And to this day, it's been a year, but I haven't, I can't even remember what it feels like to have that space of that fear and that paralyzing feeling, like I couldn't even get there. I don't, I just, I don't feel like it's even possible to go there. It was there. It was a part of me, but it's… the other is so much more powerful. And that was the biggest stepping stone for me to where I'm headed now. I truly believe that that was the biggest limitation that I've had in my entire life that kept me stuck in patterns and not really accessing who I really am.
Joe: So where are you headed now?
Gail: So, it's very exciting. I am headed… I'm now a budding film director and producer and writer. That is really where I've always wanted to go since I was a little kid. And although I took lots of little steps to get there, there was always something that would just knock me down.
And there was no way I could do it. I couldn't, no way. I couldn't, “I can't do that. I can't live up to that. That's… absolutely not.”
Now it's like, “Well, yeah, of course, absolutely. That's just who I am. I mean, this is so stupid. Like, why wouldn't I do that?” So there's, that's really cool.
And everything else is just like, I don't know. Everything else is just falling into place around that.
Session 3
“From that day on, I’ve been resting easy and in excitement about my project and my future.”
Joe: So then the third time we worked was you were having a nightmare or something.
Gail: Yeah. So the 3rd time was another real biggie because I had, I was experiencing this was as I chose to move forward as a filmmaker again. And I started working on my project, this short film that I wrote. And, so I started taking the steps to pull everybody together for that and and get the project rolling. And literally, at night, when I would lay down to go to sleep, I would get, like, stricken with this incredible anxiety.
And all of these reasons and stories in my own head, kinda like voices in a way, that were telling me, “You can't do this. It's not gonna work. You're not important enough. Nobody's gonna take you seriously. You're not talented enough. Who do you think you are? I mean, you're just, you know… ”
And and it was like the mental experience that I have is, like, just I felt like I was sitting in my bed one night, and these, like, demonic hands, like, were just, like, reaching out and grabbing me. Like, that's what it felt like. These like, “No! You can't do it! You can't do it!”
And then I was, but I was kinda like this (curling up, protecting head with arms), you know, and I didn't wanna hear them. But the emotions that came up inside of me were… It was just fear because I didn't know where to go. I didn't… Here they were trying to grab me, and if I, like, peeked out, they would get me.
And we we did some work on on that feeling. And that I can't remember the things at the moment that we identified, but the result was incredible. And from that day on, I've been resting easy and in excitement about my project and my future, and, and it's done, pretty much. I mean, we're editing, but, like, the all the stuff that I was afraid of that I thought I couldn't do, is done.
And and I think, it's done. And I think the biggest piece of it is that before that moment, I was still hiding myself from the world a little bit. Like, I was very I was very particular about who I would tell that I was doing this project. And because I thought, well, I kinda chose who would believe in me and who wouldn't.
And then after our session, it was like, well, it doesn't matter who believes in me and who doesn't, this is who I am. This is just who I am. It'd be it's like, it would be like taking my body and trying to turn it into something other than it is. Now everybody in my life, in the world, knows me as a budding film director, and that's the way it should be.
That's really cool. So, yeah, that was… and I've not had another anxiety attack around that. Around anything, actually.
Reflections
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